First, a review of last year’s goals
50 hours of footbag: YES! I did 58.5 hours. I was hoping to hit an even 60, but… then it snowed. I ditched the last session of the year to play in the snow with the kids (Win!). Along the way to my footbag goal for the year, I’ve been featured in a local newspaper and been the subject of several J-School student documentaries.
2,400 Km on the bike: YES! I finished the year with 2,918 Km (~1,813 mi). Was hoping to hit 3,000Km, but again, the snow. So, don’t expect me to feel bummed that I didn’t quite make the 3K mark. I still ride a bike to work and back every day, and lots of other places too. So far in my life I’ve displaced at least a quarter-million miles of car travel with bike travel. Stick that in your carbon footprint and smoke it!
Reduce my anger: YES! Against all odds, against my life’s history, the “fever” of rage and anger finally broke. I went through a very bleak period this summer, feeling suicidal enough to go buy the exhaust extension hose I would need for the job. I had it all planned out. Before I pulled the plug, I took a short trip through SSRI land. THAT SHIT SUCKS BIG TIME. The crap made me feel awful. No, I wasn’t getting angry while I was on it, but I sure as hell didn’t get happy either. I just got numb. I physically felt like crap all the time, and mentally felt like a zombie. Two words about me and SSRI drugs: NEVER. AGAIN. That goes for the therapists, shrinks, and doctors who push that crap, too. The only person that belongs in my head is myself.
In the end, it was one of my best friends that helped me get my head screwed back on straight. Once I finally found the strength to cast the enormous weight of hatred and anger overboard, I discovered many other things were tangled up with that albatross, and went overboard too. Fear? Yep, that was just another lead weight tied to anger. Motivation? Oh shit, that’s tangled up with the fear and anger too. In fact, I’m still reeling from the change, trying to find a new balance in my life. But I can’t go back. The anger, and everything tangled up with it, is at the bottom of the ocean, unrecoverable.
I did get genuinely angry for the first time in months on Christmas Eve; A 2-hour job blew up on me and turned into an all-day frustration fest. Afterwards, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Being angry takes too much energy. I just can’t do it any more.
OK, On to my goals for 2010
60 hours of Footbag – I got so close this year, I’ve got to try to hit the mark next year. It’s going to be tough; I don’t have a good winter kicking place, and that’s where I lose so much ground against my goals. Securing an indoor facility for 2010 will be a top priority.
3,000 Km on the bike – Again, I got so close this year, I’ve got to try to hit the mark next year. Just a few more lunchtime bike rides, or taking the longer route to work and back, and I’ll have it.
The first two goals never change much: X amount of footbag, and Y amount of bicycling. The 3rd goal is always the crazy, out there, fru-fru kind of thing. And I can’t make up my mind. There are so many things I want to try! I got a harmonica for XMas; I’ve always wanted to be able to wail the blues on a harmonica. I’ll try that. I’m also disappointed in my relative financial status; this year has seen income reductions and expense increases. I’d like to increase my income in 2010. That might dovetail well with my desire to learn new technology, maybe a new programming language. I also want to be more affectionate with the wife and children.
Lots of ideas, and I need to pick one to call out as my goal, or resolution. Ah, yes… more affection with the wife. That’s it! Thats definitely it. Wish me to get even luckier in 2010.
Thanks for tuning in!